Archive for the Humor Category

Henry Damn Kissinger!

Posted in History, Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2019 by macmystery
HenryKissinger

Henry Kissinger once dated Murphy Brown.

I took the Jeopardy online test tonight. This marks the third year in a row I’ve taken the test in an effort to compete on the show.

I wish I could say I felt like I was progressing. The first time I took it was a disaster. Last year was better, but obviously not good enough to move on to the second step in the process.

This time, I feel like I may have gotten half of the questions. I just can’t see that being good enough.

Each year, there have been questions I knew the answer to that I have failed to get the correct response typed in the 15 seconds provided for each of the 50 questions. And I know I have just dropped the ball on questions.

Tonight, I simply could not remember Henry Kissinger’s name. I knew he was the answer. I could see his face. But the name was a blank.

So as a response, as I often do when I miss a question at trivia or don’t know something for some reason, I spent some time reading about Mr. Kissinger.

Most of it is and was old hat for me.

He was a German-born Jewish refugee who fled to the United States with his family when Hitler took power. Harvard educated. Advisor to Lyndon B. Johnson. Secretary of State for both Richard M. Nixon and Gerald Ford. Crafted détente with China. Supported coup in Chile. Supported Pakistan in Bangladesh war despite genocide. Won 1973 Nobel Prize for peace  process in Vietnam. Still alive.

But as I was reading about Kissinger on the wonderful World Wide Web, there were three facts I had never known that I found quite interesting.

  1. In his younger years, Kissinger was quite a ladies man before marrying. Among his celebrity girlfriends was Candice Bergen. That’s right, … Henry Kissinger dated Murphy Brown.
  2. After being drafted into the U.S. Army in 1943, Kissinger completed his basic military training at Camp Croft in Spartanburg, S.C. This fact may not be stunning for most, but I lived in Spartanburg for 15 years. Camp Croft was an important U.S. Army training post in World War II that has not existed for decades. It is gone. There are no remains. It’s a state park, and if you’ve been there, you’d be hard-pressed to prove thee was a military base there. I’m always a little surprised anytime I find out someone did their basic training there.
  3. And last but not least, in 1976, Kissinger became the first honorary member of the Harlem Globetrotters. An obvious choice, I think. If you had Kissinger in the pool, enjoy the spoils.

And that’s all I’ve got. I mean, it’s Henry Kissinger.

The words matter, Donald …

Posted in Humor, Music, Politics, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on June 6, 2018 by macmystery

Just for Donald Trump, since he doesn’t seem to come close to knowing them, here are the lyrics for Irving Berlin’s song God Bless America:

God bless America, land that I love,
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans white with foam,
God bless America,
My home sweet home.

While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that’s free.
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer:

God bless America, land that I love,
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans white with foam,
God bless America,
My home sweet home.
God bless America,
My home sweet home.

It would seem as though Mr. USA Patriotism would have this down by now.

“She’s a special kind of stupid”

Posted in Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2010 by macmystery

Sarah Palin obviously can't see Korea from her house.

I can’t claim that quote about Sarah Palin. An acquaintance of mine introduced me to it. But it’s so fitting, I had to borrow it.

On nutjob Glenn Beck’s radio show, commenting on the recent violence between north and South Korea, Palin said we should stand beside our North Korean allies. The only-slightly-smarter-than-her host corrected her.

“This speaks to a bigger picture here that certainly scares me in terms of our national security policy,” she says. “But obviously we’ve gotta stand with our North Korean allies.”

“South Korean allies,” Beck says.

Here’s a link to the audio.

Couldn’t she have just written this down on her hand?

Seriously? Ignorance must be bliss.

Go ahead run for president. Split the right wing vote and guarantee Obama another four years. I dare you.

Sarah Palin endorses right(-wing) guy in wrong state

Posted in Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2010 by macmystery

Sarah Palin, the former Queen of Alaska ... uh, no.

While she still has millions of supporters and there’s a lot of misguided (that’s me being polite) people who believe she would/should/could be president, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin proves again she’s clueless.

Apparently, Palin endorsed, via Twitter, John Raese for the U.S. Senate race in Pennsylvania. We have a problem, Allentown. Raese is running for the U.S. Senate in WEST VIRGINIA. 

But he can see Pennsylvania from his house … right?

I know, it could have been an honest mistake … a slip of the tongue … but it’s all part of a pattern, so that defense doesn’t work any more.

What makes the story even better? It’s possible Raese doesn’t even actually live in W.Va. He owns a business there, but his wife and kids live in Florida. Hmm.

Here’s the story.

UPDATE/ADDENDUM: Piling on Palin

I didn’t want to make a whole seperate post for fear of drawing accusations that I might be unfairly piling on Palin, but I found this story soon after the post about her erroneous endorsement.

Apparently, the Tea Party darling desecrated an American flag during a rally in one of my favorite cities, Reno, Nev. If you watch the video, I actually think she does it twice … once between the 1:30 and 1:41 mark, and then again at the very end of the video.

I don’t know how big a deal this really is. This falls under the same sort of category as flag burning. But I’d be willing to bet that Tea Party supporters are the type of people who think flag burners should be prosecuted. So logically, they should be just as upset by this. But I have a feeling they aren’t.

Here’s a link to the story. And here’s just the video from The Guardian, if you’d like to avoid the commentary of the first website.

Funniest man on TV honored

Posted in Humor, Religion, TV with tags , , , , on April 1, 2010 by macmystery

Hail to the chief, Craig Ferguson.

Craig Ferguson, the host of the Late Late Show on CBS and easily the funniest man on television, has been honored with a Peabody Award, usually reserved for those a little serious.

Read here.

The award was for the episode where he interviewed Archbishop Desmond Tutu. That doesn’t mean it was serious.

If you haven’t watched Ferguson’s show, you’re missing out.

I triple-dog dare you

Posted in Humor, Odd with tags , , on December 9, 2009 by macmystery

This is ironic because, somehow, we managed to discuss this particular scene from the greatest Christmas movie ever — A Christmas Story — in Sunday school class this past weekend.

And now, once again this year, someone has put the tongue-to-flagpole theory to the test, only to find themselves stuck.

Read here.

The definition of stupidity

Posted in Humor, Odd on October 19, 2009 by macmystery

This was too good to pass up.

A man groped the nurse helping to deliver his baby. He was arrested and missed the birth altogether.

Story here.