Raising Two Americans

OK, let’s kill three birds with one stone here.

First of all …

Gillian Anderson in Maxim.

All the headlines on Internet news sites last week read, “X-Files star seeks treatment for sex addiction.”

Only upon clicking the links did you find out it was Fox Mulder, er, I mean David Duchovny.

I know it’s wrong, but I must admit that as I waited for the page to load, I was really hoping it was Scully, er, Gillian Anderson who was addicted to sex.

I’m not really sure why. Any ideas?

Secondly …

I tried to pick a photo of Josh that wasn't too sexy. How'd I do, ladies ... or guys, I guess?

Apparently, actor Josh Hartnett and his lady friend are the stars of a sex tape, unintentionally, according to MSNBC.com. They had a private “rendezvous” in a place a little more public than they thought.

Well, one can only hope this film turns out better than Pearl Harbor. Quote from a review of Pearl Harbor from IMDB.com: ” There are very few films I’ve come across which actually make you want to beat yourself senseless with a heavy object. But this is surely one of them. Quite possibly one of the worst films ever made …”

I guess, really, only his co-star knows if this film was a success.

And lastly …

There was a story on CNN.com a couple days ago entitled, “Eight bad reasons to have sex.”

Upon first examination, this seems to be a bogus story, since I was positive there couldn’t be eight bad reasons to have sex.

Then, after reading the article, I realized it was geared toward the ladies, and it was really a kind of warning, … these are not good reasons to shack up with this guy. Among the poor reasons: Revenge, ego, fame, mercy, quid pro quo, clarity and weight loss. Yeah, that last one is a hoot.

But the best bad reason to have sex, by far, is the one they called “appliance envy.” Now that sounds pretty graphic, but it didn’t mean what I thought it meant. (What do you think I think it means? I’m not saying.)

No … basically, this is about home appliances. Primarily air conditioners.

Yep, that’s right … air conditioners.

It seems the authors believe that if it’s really hot, I mean like 103 degrees hot, and a young woman is living in an apartment with no air conditioning, it’s not in her best interest to make a booty call just for the sake of waking up in a cool apartment the next day.

Some people are geniuses.